I thought it was time we got things started up here :-), (I hope you don't mind Charles)
So you always felt mixed relationships were for you?
I have. I grow up in Kent. Born in London to Carribean Parents.Where I grow up there were no other black people until I was in my early teens - we were the first black family to the area. But I do not think this would have made much difference to my choice. I have always enjoyed the company of open minded non conformist types & my dad being very traditional in his ways, I think swayed my thinking in a lot of ways. But I think I was always going to date a mix of people. And I am glad I have :-D
So what are your experiences ? Please share, more interesting that way lol
Much Love C x
So you always felt mixed relationships were for you?
I have. I grow up in Kent. Born in London to Carribean Parents.Where I grow up there were no other black people until I was in my early teens - we were the first black family to the area. But I do not think this would have made much difference to my choice. I have always enjoyed the company of open minded non conformist types & my dad being very traditional in his ways, I think swayed my thinking in a lot of ways. But I think I was always going to date a mix of people. And I am glad I have :-D
So what are your experiences ? Please share, more interesting that way lol
Much Love C x
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Re: Hello Little Tribe...
Tue, June 8, 2004 - 4:58 PMMy first ever serious girlfriend was Chinese. I had never once thought about going out with someone of a different race previously. White girls were pretty. That was it.
I met her at a party. She was by herself and kept glancing at me so I went over and talked and danced with her. She asked me if I wanted to see her again. I took her number and phoned her from a pub three days later while having a drink with my mates.
Since Edinburgh was about 99.9% white it was pretty obvious that she would date white guys. So I don't think my race was a factor as far as she was concerned. When she turned up she looked absolutely stunning.....her clothes, her hair, her makeup.
She was also turned out to be incredibly bright academically. She got 4 A levels at A grade at 16 and went on to Edinburgh University aged 17.
The first time I really became aware of difference was after we kissed and I saw her very close up.
It was good and opened my eyes to a wider world
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Re: Hello Little Tribe...
Wed, June 9, 2004 - 7:41 AMi have always gotten crushes on darker males... when i was in elementary school... tyrone was my first crush...LOL and my dance partner in the school play.... then we moved to where there were no black ppl, so crushes kinda faded, then we moved again... and there was like one or two and i liked them... then i moved out on my own and viola... i am married to a wonderfuk black man... and its the best... and we just found out we are preggers....
YAY
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Re: Hello Little Tribe...
Wed, June 9, 2004 - 7:57 AMFantastic news Heatherleigh! Congratulations to both of you! Was 'wonderfuk' intended or a Freudian slip? Hahahaha
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Re: Hello Little Tribe...
Sun, October 30, 2005 - 4:49 PMI'm a Londoner - Kent migrant as well and I must say my dad's extreme traditional views made me determined to be diffferent. I never chose partners because of their colour but rather because of their interests and open mindedness and sense of fun. The fact that I ended up marrying a German has more to do with the fact that we share the same loco sense of humour and a bucketful of shared values. He's considered as weird in his culture as I am in mine. Simply because the both of us are relatively unconventional, goes a long way to explain why we're together. I never knew who I would end up with but I've always been a culture nut (anthropologist to the end) so in a way it wasn't earth shattering that I would end up with someone from a completely different culture than my own. -
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Re: Hello Little Tribe...
Sun, October 30, 2005 - 11:28 PMI realised that my father was upset at me going out with a Chinese girl.
He would never say things himself so they would be relayed through my mother. The reason. He fought against against the Japanese in the Second World War.
This was an entirely spurious piece of logic. I mean the Chinese were fighting the Japanese too. And what's more her family had emigrated to Trinidad as indentured labourers in the 19th century.
But to give them credit they didn't maintain those views and my mother is now very comfortable with having a family which includes African-Caribbean, Indian and Chinese members. -
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Re: Hello Little Tribe...
Fri, November 4, 2005 - 4:50 PMI find that families outside of the immediate mixed relationship have only two choices like it or lump it and with time it usually turns out that if they might not like it at least they grow to accept it... few seem able to maintain the hostilities for long. Although one could say their tactics change i.e more guerilla warfare than outhright declarations of war. Sadly a lot of my friends who are either married with people of other cultures have to deal with a lot of aggro one way or the other. I think you just grow to expect it after a while and the exeption is rather when you are embraced for your relationship which doesn't happen too often but when it does you appreciate it.
oops sorry for rambling on a bit, the Lord alone knows if it makes any sense. -
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Re: Hello Little Tribe...
Mon, November 7, 2005 - 11:51 AMI have always messed around/slept around with whomever there was mutual attraction. As far as dating goes, I date whoever is interested in taking the relationship beyond the messing around stage and with whom I share similar life views and values. So as far as attraction goes I don't have a particular type, but if I think about my ideal image of beauty not connected to any particular person, I have an image of someone with darker skin than my own. Now that is not difficult because I have the brightest pink skin of anyone I have ever met. I don't have a particular "race" in mind when I imagine beauty, just some vague darker than me image...
Anyway, as far as family goes, over 95% of my family in my generation are Asiaphiles so the concept of mixed “race” coupling is not at all shocking to them. I am, as far as anyone knows, the only gay person in my family for generations so that causes some issues.
As far as non-family we get LOTs of glares, stares, ugly faces, and nasty comments regarding being a mixed couple. We are sure it doesn't have to do with us being gay because we even get these responses in gay or gay friendly environments. Even when there are other same "race" couples around, they don't get the same freaked out and angry responses we do. I don't feel this really impacts our relationship. It is annoying, but I think more than anything we feel a little sorry for them for showing themselves to be so ridiculous.
We are not an "I don't see color" family though. We do pay attention to individual differences, and appreciate them, but share the knowledge that the concept of "race" as it is currently defined is entirely socially constructed out of greed. While the impact of this definition and division of people is very real, the division is not in fact real apart from the people who create these labels. People are people and it isn't Jessica and my fault if a lot of folks are too wrapped up in their own agenda to know that. We also know that the impact of this "race" bull doesn't really touch me very much. Most of the time we see an event and have a similar take on the intent of the action or the comment or the look someone sends out into the world in our vicinity, so we don't have tension about that... Anyway, our basic opinion is everyone has opinions, and it is fine if most of them don't jive with ours, we are just fine anyway.
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